I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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