and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
