Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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