theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
