I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
