he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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