You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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