there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
