just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
