I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
