You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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