If i come over, it means nothing
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
