It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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