i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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