my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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