There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
