I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
