i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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