I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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