just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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