i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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