just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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