I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
