Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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