I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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