i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
