I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
