david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ketchup is God's man juice
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
