i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
