My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
