Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Randomize
