toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
