You're earring is so big in my mouth
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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