Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
