They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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