well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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