Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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