No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
