I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
