I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
