Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
