If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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