is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
