so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
