I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
