the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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