pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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