she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
