lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
