And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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