I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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