I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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