dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Randomize
