I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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