Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
